Looking back, but not really

At the end of this week we will celebrate Mary Lou Kownacki's new book, Everyday Sacred, Everywhere Beauty, (Orbis) a selection of her best blog posts. Here's an excerpt of one from November 2016. It's eerie how true it rings, eight years later. 

 God is trusting in us

November 9, 2016

When I awake each day I say a short prayer.

This morning I had to force every ounce of integrity to pray it. I am heartsick over last night’s national election, in anguish for what this mean-spirited political view will mean for the poor, for women, for refugees, for the sick, for all the vulnerable. I am frightened of what military force we will unleash around the world without an ounce of concern for the unarmed civilians in its wake. And I am fearful that what we really woke up to this morning is the unraveling of the American dream, a country sharply, irrevocably divided about what the Constitution, freedom of press, the Statue of Liberty, and democracy itself mean.

I am also appalled at the misogyny at the base of this election and angry at my church for its deafening silence over a presidential candidate who is disgusting in his treatment of women. But, then, my church is misogynistic, too, and, yes, disgusting in its treatment of women. 

I am also bewildered by my own lack of perception. Who are these people who voted for Trump? Who are these neighbors, board members, co-workers, people that I celebrate weekly liturgy with at the monastery, that I thought I knew? And even liked and considered friends? How did I not know what they really believed and valued? My relationship with them is forever altered and it breaks my heart.

So, it was in deep agony, almost disbelief, that Old Monk forced herself to pray: This is the day our God has made. Let us be rejoice and be glad.––Psalm 118:24

November 17, 2016
Lots of people commented on the last journal entry. Many of you suggested praying and trusting in God. Prayer––yes, of course. I’ve devoted a lot of years to prayer. And so what? For me, there is only one measure for authentic prayer: am I becoming kinder, more tolerant, more courageous, more god-like? I pray to change myself and you can see that’s taking quite a long time. I do not pray to change other people, life’s circumstances, world events or the future.

As I get older, I have a private measuring stick for my own spiritual integrity—do I speak my truth without fear and act on what I believe? That’s all I pray for these days. Of course, I’d like to do it with all the kindness I can muster, but my bottom line is speaking truth to power. It’s the one irrevocable lesson I’ve learned from getting to know Jesus of Nazareth. 

As for trusting in God, I think it’s the reverse. I believe God is trusting in us. God is trusting that in giving us the gift of life, we will bear good fruit. That we who claim to be on a spiritual path will accept our responsibility to co-create the kind of world that God envisioned. It’s up to us, each one of us, to be faithful to God’s trust and do everything in our power to bring in the day when “justice and mercy embrace.”